


OMG GFY

by chibi_nightowl



Series: Therapy Sessions [1]
Category: Batman (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Robin (Comics)
Genre: Drunk Texting, Drunkenness, M/M, Suggestive language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-23
Updated: 2017-03-23
Packaged: 2018-10-09 14:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10414344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chibi_nightowl/pseuds/chibi_nightowl
Summary: Jason:I gots alot of kinks babyburd. Want me 2 sho u?Tim:I've seen plenty. Why are you drinking?Jason:Broose. He's a moose. LolololollolololJason:Can u image his kowl with antlers?





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was my interpretation of a prompt GoAwayOlivia gave me a long time ago. Dick, Jason, and Tim where one of them is in a bind and needs the others to help, complete with brotherly bonding and fluff.
> 
> I don't think it turned out anything like she thought it was going to. But, like she also said, that's the fun with prompts. It's all open to interpretation and inspiration.

Even when the phone number comes up as blocked or unknown, it's pretty easy to tell that the incoming text message is from Jason. He's oddly articulate in his texts, preferring to use full sentences and proper grammar. Rarely does he use emojis unless it's to flip someone off or randomly send a smiling pile of poop to Dick.

But sometimes though, he'll get on a roll, go on a bender, and all that gets shot to hell. On those nights, Tim will go all out to try and find him, dropping whatever he's doing as soon as that first abbreviated text comes in.

Jason: _OMFG. Where teh hell is darwin when u need him???_

Tim grimaces and pulls up his calendar to check the date. Aside from it being almost the full moon, nothing stands out.

Tim: _Oh? Where are you?_

Jason: _fucking ur muther._

Tim: _Ew. Didn't know necrophilia was a kink of yours._

He activates an app on his phone that lets him trace the number from the phone Jason's using and waits. The app has come in handy for just this purpose more than once.

Jason: _I gots alot of kinks babyburd. Want me 2 sho u?_

Tim shakes his head. Jason must be plastered already for it to be this bad and wonders what set him off this time. Not that he gets drunk all that often, but there's usually something to trigger it.

Tim: _I've seen plenty. Why are you drinking?_

The app continues to run but there's been enough pings off the cell towers that he knows Jason is somewhere in New Town. It's not that far from his usual stomping grounds but just far enough to make Tim wonder how Jason is planning to get home. Or if he's even thought that far ahead. Getting up from his sofa, he slips on a pair of sneakers and grabs his hoodie, shoving his wallet and keys in the pocket as he puts it on over his t-shirt and jeans.

The reply takes longer this time.

Jason: _B += dick_

That can be taken any number of ways and as Tim leaves his renovated theater apartment to pick up Jason in a car he doesn't really mind if someone gets sick in, he calls Dick.

"Hi Timmy!" His oldest brother answers cheerfully. That alone tells Tim the issue isn't with Dick as he usually gets morose after dealing with Jason and things don't go well.

"Hey, Dick," Tim replies. "Quick question. Did Bruce and Jason have a run in at all today? A certain someone is drunk texting me."

That's all he needs to say because Dick totally gets it. "Again?" he sighs. "Not that I'm aware of but I haven't been by the Cave or at the Manor for a few days. Want me to call Bruce?"

"If you don't mind, that would be great. I'm on my way to pick up Jason."

"Need a hand?"

Tim hesitates for a second. He's in civvies and Jason has been known to have a night on the town in full Red Hood gear. "You masked right now?"

"Yeah. Fingerstripes tonight. I'm over in Coventry."

"Jason's somewhere in New Town. I'll text you where when I narrow it down. Not sure if he's himself or Hood."

"I'll call Bruce and meet you there." Dick disconnects and Tim checks his phone again.

Another text from Jason's come in.

Jason: _Asshole. Fuckin prick._

It's a bit more coherent.

Tim: _Me or Bruce? I'm on my way to pick you up_.

As Tim drives, another text chimes in.

Jason: _Broose. He's a moose. Lolololollololol  
_

Jason: _Can u image his kowl with antlers. Lolooloolllloooll!!!!!!_

Tim shakes his head again and checks the locator app at the next red light. He gets the address of the bar and sends it off to Dick.

At least Jason hasn't resorted to using emojis exclusively. That had been a fun night, with two garbage fires to put out too before he got Jason wrangled and back home. He wonders if Dick has any sedatives on him.

Tim: _I'll be there in a few minutes. What did Bruce say to you?_

He knows it's a long shot, trying to get a straight answer out of the drunk man, but figures it's worth a try.

Jason: _Douchebag!!!!!!_

Tim: _Yeah, that's what you always call him when you're drunk._

Jason: _GFY_

Tim: _Only when I'm lonely. Almost there._

Jason: _OMG, reelly? Can I watch?_

Tim rolls his eyes as he makes a final turn and finds a spot to park. Getting out of the car, he hears a low whistle from an alley and goes on alert, then relaxes when he spots Dick. He walks over. "What did you find out?"

Dick shakes his head and does an eye roll of his own beneath his mask. "Just that Bruce is pouting, so I called Alfred and he said Bruce tried talking to Jason today and that it didn't go so well. Apparently he's on another trying-to-be-a-parent kick after getting a lecture from one of Damian's teachers about being a more reliable presence in his life."

Tim can't help it. He starts laughing, bending over and clutching his belly as he does. "Oh my god," he wheezes. "Wow, bet that was an epic fail."

"Oh, to be a fly on that wall," Dick agrees with a grin of his own. "So what's the plan?"

Straightening up, Tim puts his game face on. "I'll go in, see if he's masked or not. If he isn't, I'll get him out somehow. If he is, I'll leave and we can switch places. He gets handsy when he's drunk so don't be afraid to sedate him."

"You two have the strangest relationship," Dick marvels.

"It works for us," Tim replies sagely and walks out of the alley.

Scratchers is a dive bar and makes no pretense to be otherwise. It's not too far from Crime Alley either so Jason being here isn't too much of a stretch. As Tim enters, his eyes water from all the second hand smoke lingering in the air. The lights are low and the music is loud so it takes him a minute to spot Jason sitting at the bar. He's furiously texting on his phone, which makes Tim pull his out again to see what he's missed.

Jason: _Prety puhleeze?_ _With cheries on top?_

Jason: _Timmy I wanna watch.  
_

Jason: _I want cherrries!! LMAO!!  
_

Jason: _I had yurs._

Jason: _WTF, cum on! Lololololollloolll!!!!!!!_

Tim seriously questions why he's dating this man sometimes. He catches sight of Jason's face in the mirror behind the bar and doesn't see a mask. Taking a moment to let Dick know and to standby, Tim cautiously makes his way through the bar, keeping alert as he does so for signs of trouble. There's a trick to it, one that he's perfected over the years, of making himself appear confident but not cocky while still managing to be unobtrusive enough not to catch anyone's eye. Jason's bulk means he can easily pull off the cocky and the don't-fuck-with-me vibe.

The bar is crowded, but the space around Jason is wide open. It’s another telling point about how far gone the other man is as he also has a tendency to pick fights with anyone trying to get into his personal space when he’s drunk. The bartender is keeping a wary eye on him from the looks of it and shakes his head in warning when he spots Tim approaching to take a seat to Jason’s left. Ignoring the man, Tim sits down and angles himself to face Jason.

His dark scowl quickly disappears when he realizes who’s sitting next to him. “Timmy!! You came!” he leers at his own bad pun.

Tim shakes his head and glances at the countertop in front of Jason. There’s a mostly empty bottle of Jack Daniel’s sitting in front of him and a half empty shot glass. “I’m here to take you _home_. How much of that did you drink?”

Jason grins proudly. “Almost all of it.”

“ _Fuck_ ,” Tim swears vehemently. “Goddammit, Jason.” This is bad. It's going to be one of  _those_ nights. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends a new text to Dick, telling him to find some clothes and get in here.

“No, I wanna watch. C’mon, Timmy. Show me!” Jason slurs as he tries to reach out and catch hold of Tim’s arm. Even with a bottle of whiskey in him, he’s surprisingly steady.

Tim brushes him off and gestures for the bartender. “I’m closing his tab. How long has he been here?”

The surly man gives Tim an appraising look before he replies. “About two hours. Started with a pitcher of beer, then worked his way up to the bottle. Asked for a shot and said to keep them coming. Get him outta here, he’s been getting meaner and that's bad for business.”

“I’m not mean, you’re just an asshole,” Jason chimes in, glaring blearily at the bartender. The effect is only somewhat lost as the dark scowl makes its return.

Tim knows that look and immediately reaches for his wallet and pulls out a couple of twenties, slapping them down on the counter. “This should do it then. Come on, Jason, get up.”

“No, I’m not done yet.” Jason hunkers back down and picks up his shot glass and slams it back before Tim can stop him.

Another figure sidles his way in on Jason’s other side. “Come on, Little Wing. It’s time to call it a night,” Dick says soothingly, like a parent to a recalcitrant child.

The image makes Tim snicker as he can easily imagine Dick using that voice on Damian.

Jason turns and glares at his older brother. “Dick. Dickie. Dickhead. Dickwad. Dickhole. Asshole…” the list goes on.

Tim grabs the bottle while Jason’s distracted and shoves it at the bartender who’s standing there watching the show. “Hide this,” he hisses as he stands up. Rubbing a hand on Jason’s broad shoulder, Tim leans in close. “Come on, Jay. You can insult Dick all you want in the car.”

“No, I wanna…” Jason scrambles around and looks confused when he doesn’t see the bottle of whiskey anymore. “Where’d it go?”

The bartender has wisely retreated at this point.

“You finished it, don’t you remember?” Tim lies easily. “Let’s go.” He grabs hold of Jason’s hand and squeezes reassuringly.

Jason’s face scrunches up as he tries to remember, but lets Tim tug him off the barstool. He promptly stumbles and only Dick quickly catching him keeps the man from face planting it on the floor.

“I’ve got you, Little Wing.” Dick pulls Jason up and drapes one of Jason’s arms over his shoulders, easily keeping his little brother upright as they start walking across the smoky room.

“Did Timmy tell you I popped his cherry?” Jason leers drunkenly at Dick, who misses a step and almost drops his brother before recovering.

“You did _not_ ,” Tim retorts, but he can feel the tips of his ears burn with embarrassment.

“Uh-huh, did too!”

“Jason, I’m sure this is a fascinating story, and I want to hear all about it when your sober and can remember everything,” Dick interjects, but he winks at Tim, letting him know he’s not serious.

“Fuck you, Dickie, I ain’t tellin’ you dick. Heh heh…you’re a dick. Dick.” Jason rambles more variations of Dick’s name as Tim leads them out of the bar.

He supposes it’s better than fighting their way out.

They’re soon outside in the cool night air. Tim idly notes it smells like rain, with a good chaser of garbage and something even more rancid that he suspects is urine permanently embedded into the concrete from years and years of men stumbling out of the bar to piss against the wall.

Jason tries to shake Dick off when the night air hits him, but the older man keeps a good grip on him. “Not just yet, Jay. Let’s at least get you to the alley.”

A minute later, Jason’s puking violently into a trashcan while Dick keeps him upright. Tim sighs as he watches and wishes he’d remembered to bring a water bottle with so Jason could rinse his mouth out.

“The things we do for our loved ones,” Dick says wryly, catching Tim’s eye from across Jason’s heaving body.

Tim chuckles as he nods in agreement. Somewhere along the way, Dick had found a worn looking gray hoodie and put that on over his Nightwing uniform. He’d taken off his mask and telltale gloves, but from what Tim remembered back in the bar, that was all he’d removed. “Couldn’t find pants fast enough?” he asks idly as he rubs Jason’s back soothingly.

“Nope,” Dick replies. “Found this in your trunk. I think its Jason’s since it’s way too big to be one of yours.”

“You broke into my car?” Tim huffs a small laugh at the thought.

“I was in a rush. Found a flat of water back there too. Good thing too, I think we’re going to need it.”

“Oh,” Tim says as he remembers a shopping trip where he got almost all of his groceries out of the trunk before getting pulled into some emergency. “That’s where it went. I could have sworn I’d bought water last time I went grocery shopping.”

“Would you two fucking shut up. I’m dying here,” Jason interrupts, gasping between words.

“We’re not going to let you choke on your own vomit.” Tim pats Jason’s back lightly. “You about done here?”

“Fuck you.”

“Not with that death breath of yours. I’ll be right back.” Tim goes to his car and opens the trunk, finding not only a flat of water bottles, but also a gym bag full of what he suspects is Red Hood gear. It is clearly time to clean out the trunk again. He slams the trunk shut and returns to the alley, water bottle in hand.

Dick has Jason leaning against a filthy looking wall. The man looks pale and definitely green about the gills, but his teal eyes are clearer than they were before, even in the dim light. He accepts the water bottle Tim hands him and takes a few swigs and swishes it around in his mouth before spitting it back out. After the second time, Jason takes a few careful sips and swallows before putting the cap back on. “Better safe than sorry,” he mutters.

“We get it, Jay,” Dick agrees. “You’re not the only one of us who makes poor life choices with the bottle on occasion.”

“Yeah?” Jason asks challengingly, his normal fire starting to return. “When was the last time you got shit faced because you couldn’t deal with Bruce and his…his… _everything_.”

“About three months ago,” Dick replies easily. “He asked me to take over being Batman again for him so he could go stick his nose in things outside of Gotham because he can’t leave well enough alone. I told him no, that he has a family _here_ that he needs to be with and that crap in other cities can be dealt with by local heroes and authorities without his interference. I think the bug was up his butt at the time because there was a gang from New York trying to get a foothold here.”

Tim’s eyes widen. This is the first he’s heard of this. “Bet that went over well.”

“Yeah, no, it didn’t. At all. He called me selfish and said I wasn’t thinking of the big picture. I reminded him that he’s a dad to a 13 year old son who loves and adores him that he neglects too much.”

By then, both Tim and Jason were staring incredulously at Dick. The oldest of the former Robins gives his little brothers a twisted smile, one that looks very out of place on his normally cheerful face. “What? In case you’ve both forgotten, Bruce and I have our fair share of problems too.”

Jason shakes his head as he lurches away from the wall, staggering for a second before catching his balance. “Next time, all three of us are getting shit-faced together. It’ll be the biggest Bruce bitchfest in the world.”

“I’ve never been that drunk before,” Tim admits. “I usually just get sleepy.”

Dick slings an arm over Tim’s shoulders for a one-armed hug. “Oh, Timmy. Timmy, Timmy, Timmy. Under the right circumstances, it’s the closest _any_ of us will ever get to real therapy.”

Jason snorts in laughter and nods in agreement. “This coming from the most well-adjusted of all of us.”

“Hey, I turned out pretty normal!” Tim says defensively, but as soon as he says it, he knows he’s going to be picked on any moment.

Dick and Jason don’t disappoint.

“You wandered around in leg braces for a _year_ just to keep your cover.”

“Your best friend is a clone of fucking Superman.”

“You take down international crime rings when you’re buzzing from a six-pack of Red Bull and high from not sleeping for days on end.”

“You’re still being courted by the creepiest motherfucker alive so that you can give him an heir.”

“You made up a fake uncle to keep Bruce from adopting you so you could live in Bludhaven on your own.”

“Wow, really?” Jason turns to Dick. “Didn’t hear about that one.”

“I don’t think you were quite back in Gotham yet.”

“Okay, okay, you’ve proven your points. Can we go home now?” Tim asks plaintively.

Dick chuckles and ruffles Tim’s hair as he reaches out and grabs a hold of Jason again to keep him upright. “Sure, let’s get this guy some more water and tucked into bed.”

“I wanna play pick-on-Timmy some more,” Jason almost whines, but he’s not putting up any resistance to Dick. He may not be slurring his words anymore, but he’s still too inebriated to walk straight.

“You can do that in the car.” Tim runs a hand over Jason’s back on last time and settles it around his waist, bracketing the drunk man between him and Dick.

Together, they walk out of the alley and into the night.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, who wants Denny's? :P


End file.
